Humorous

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind

Around here “normal” is just a setting on the dryer

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

Born to shop- Forced to work

Cinderella -- proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life

Cleaning house while the kids are growing, is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing!

Cleanliness is next to impossible.

Don’t force it…get a larger hammer.

Dust is a county collectible

Every oak started out as a couple of nuts who decided to stand their ground.

Everybody brings joy to this house. Some when they enter, some when they leave

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. -Doug Larson

Forget the dog, Beware of the kids!

Four little dirty words: wash, cook, iron, dust.

Give a man an inch and he thinks he's a ruler

Grandma says that when God made me, He was just showing off

Grant me patience to deal with my blessings

Hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt!

Hard work never killed anyone, but why give it a chance?

Has anyone seen my glass slipper?

He who has the most toys wins

Help Wanted…Everyone in the house qualifies.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish that they were.

Housework done properly can kill you

Housework is a family affair.

Housework won't kill you, but why take the chance

Humor can make a serious difference

I always start my diet on the same day - tomorrow

I can please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow’s not looking too good either.

I can resist anything except temptation

I child-proofed my home, and they still got in!

I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do

I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully…

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

I know it’s in my head somewhere, I just can’t find it.

I love to watch the seasons change – Baseball, Basketball, Football, Hockey

I may be inconsistent, but not all the time.

I never let schooling interfere with my education - Mark Twain

I smile because you are my sister, I laugh because you can't do anything about it.

I want it all and I want it delivered!

I would stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter

I’m creative…You can’t expect me to be neat too.

I’m not lazy…I’m motivationally impaired.

I’m so far behind I thought I was first.

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks!

If a mothers place is in the home… then why am I always in my car.

If at first you do succeed, try not to be surprised!

If cleanliness is next to godliness…we’re in big trouble!

If I can't be thin, let all my friends be fat

If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself, --Mickey Mantle

If it ain’t broke keep fixin’ till it is.

If it weren’t for caffeine, I’d probably have no personality at all!

If no one answers, DO IT YOURSELF!!

If you are grouchy, irritable, or just plain mean, there will be a $50 fee just to put up with you.

If you pray for rain, be prepared for some mud

If you write in the dust… please don’t date it!

Insanity is hereditary…you get it from your kids!

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened

It doesn’t always look like this

It’s the maid’s day off!

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember a thing

I've been on a diet now for two weeks, and all I've lost is two weeks.

Money is the root of all-evil. Every woman needs roots.

My answers are right, your questions are wrong

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance

My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Normal is just a setting on the washing machine

Please don’t feed the dust bunnies.

Please don’t tidy my mess you’ll only confuse me.

Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to the wall.

Real men do housework

Show me a house that is excruciating clean and I’ll show you an older, female relative about to visit it.

SMILE...It confuses people

Somedays it’s even worse

The handwriting on the wall means the grandchildren found the crayons

The house isn’t under construction – children live here

The only difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys

There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" -Dave Barry

True love leads to housework

We don't skinny dip...we chunky dunk.

We get along in our R.V. ‘cuz, we don’t have room to disagree

Welcome to our zoo!

When all is said and done, more is said than done.

When I die, please get to my sewing room before my husband does... Take whatever you want, and bring a truck.

When I get the urge to clean house, I lay down until it passes.

When life gives you limes, make margaritas

When life hands you lemons…reach for the tequila!

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!

Women with clean houses lead dull lives.

You can agree with me or you can be wrong

You don't have to brush all of your teeth, only the ones you want to keep.

You know you are over the hill when happy hour means nap time